everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
