so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
