white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
