Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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