Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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