i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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