Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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