She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
