If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
