i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
