i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
