i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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