I love black thongs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
