Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
