I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
