so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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