No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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