Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
