ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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