chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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