There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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