Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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