she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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