I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
