Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
