You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
