That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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