you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
