Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
