so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
