Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
