To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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