Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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