im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
