Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
