That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
