you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
