youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
