she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
