hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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