Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dick has a subreddit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
