You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
