i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
