Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
