I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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