I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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