Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
