I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your dad touched me again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
