After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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