How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
