Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
