At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
