he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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