i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
