Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
