I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
