Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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