Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
