I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
