community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
