I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
