8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
