Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
