So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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