It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
